As some of you know, I went to Ashland/Medford this weekend for a 3-on-3 basketball tournament with my roommate Chris' friends Tim and Eddie. We had two games on Saturday and after the two games we were pretty hungry, so we went to Senor Sams (that is supposed to be in spanish). Eddie said that I should eat the "Biggest Burrito" that they serve there because if you eat it all, they give you five dollars back if you eat the whole thing by yourself. It sounded like a challenge that I was up to, so we both ordered it. Then Tim said that if I ate a large Cold Stone Creamery ice cream along with the burrito, that he would give me another $5. I rarely back down from a challenge, so I was aiming high. When I ordered my burrito, the lady started putting it together and it was two large tortillas next to each other with meat, cheese, lettuce, beans, salsa, sour cream and rice packed in so that she couldn't even shut the burrito. She put it on a huge platter that was about a foot and a half and the burrito went from end to end of it and it was probably 10 inches around. She said that it was the size of two and a half normal burritos from there and they are pretty big. Eddie finished his in about 15 minutes, it was incredible, the thing just disappeared. Right after he finished, he headed into the bathroom because he thought that he was going to throw up. I was trying to get it down as fast as possible so that I could finish it before my mind realized that I was full. Apparently I have poor eating skills because I had trouble getting the food from my plate to my fork to my mouth. It took me about 25 minutes and to my surprise, I wasn't full. I ate like a 6 lb burrito and I felt fine, so I said "let's go to Cold Stone." We went over there and I at a large peanut butter ice cream with peanut butter cups in it and finished it with no problem. After I was done, still probably could have eaten another regular burrito. I was in a zone. That experience made me rethink my life and I realized that my real calling in life is to be a professional eater. I ate that much food without any training (and I haven't been eating a lot lately anyway) and I didn't feel sick, that is a gift. I am quitting school and work so that I can work on my speed and technique. I would appreciate support from all of you in my endeavor.

I know that all of you guys know about the Cougar Pageant. Jake won it his senior year and I am sure that I lost to Simon by the smallest of margins when I was in it (I mean come on, I did "Thriller"). I went to it this Thursday with Jeff and Pat. I sat next to Lori, Ashley, and Alyssa Crawford (Shawn was at basketball). They are all doing well, but that is not the good part. They started out with some slide shows of contestants and Colman had me in his slide show, so he should have won right there, but no. Emily McMahon's little brother Pat was in it and he was next up in the talent segment and the MC said that he heard that Powerline was going to be here. I almost pissed myself because I knew it was going to be sick. They opened up the curtains and Pat has his back to the crowd and is wearing a yellow jump suit. Then "I 2 I" comes on and he turns around and is wearing these sick red sunglasses and proceeds to dance amazingly to the song while lipsyncing(?) to it. His moves were incredible, but then I heard the music change and I was wondering what could possibly be better than what he was dancing to. It was "Everybody" by the Backstreet Boys and two girls came out and danced with him in sync perfectly to the dance sequence in the actual music video, only they switched it a little and it was better. I almost crapped myself. Then the music changed again and it was "It's Gonna Be Me" by NSYNC! Then they do the dance from that video perfectly! It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen, I wish I had it on video so that I could watch it on my computer every day. I am going to try to put the actual music videos on this, but if it doesn't work you should find them on you tube. The dance from "Everybody" is at about 3:45 and "It's Gonna Be Me" is at like :45. I wish that you all could have been there, if you don't believe me than ask Mom.
"Everybody"-http://youtube.com/watch?v=vM0ALaY7X-Q
"It's Gonna Be Me"-http://youtube.com/watch?v=v7yxpTvvB9U

The night these pictures were taken; Joey (safety vest), Greg (pink shorts, yes they are the same ones), and I (too sexy) went out on the town. We went to clubs and stood out in front of them and hit on young and middle aged women. We would ask them: "have you ever kissed a man with a mustache before?" or "is it hot in here or just our mustaches?" and things of that nature. As you can imagine, there were many women flocking to be with me. Yes, I was offered by a woman to go home with her (don't ask me what she was smoking). In downtown Bend there is a restaurant called "Mirenda," it is one of the more popular and upscale places to eat in Bend. We were walking by and we saw that there was a huge window facing the street in this place and when we walked by people were staring at us. Joey and I decided to make the best of it and take turns walking back and forth in front of the window trying to top eachother's sexiness. We started with some simple things like dropping our keys and bending over to pick them up and making eye contact with women while passing by and mouthing "I love you" to them. It got to the point where people came out of the restaurant just to watch us out sexy eachother. We had a crowd of about 5 couples outside watching us when I pulled off the unthinkable. I walked normally in front of the window and when I got halfway across I turned to the window and ripped my shirt open, lowered my sunglasses and blew a kiss to some middle aged woman. How I kept a staight face, I have no idea. At that time we knew we should be leaving and so we walked away laughing hysterically. That was the end of my mustache experience and I must say that it was a good one. I will always remember those two days that I had a mustache, but who knows if it will ever happen again.

Here are our photo shoot pictures from when we shaved. The guy with the chops is my friend Greg (who started the mustache revolution). I look like Dog the Bounty Hunter. I will post more pictures soon. Enjoy.

When I was a senior in high school I wrote this paper so that I could finish my CIM in writing. My teacher told me to write a narrative about anything I wanted and this is that paper.

There are times in your life when you feel like dirt, or the low man on the totem pole, or you would rather be dead. Although my life has been jam packed with moments like this, the “cheese” stands alone. I was in the second grade and I had just started playing tee-ball. I was playing for the White Sox and it was my first year living in Bend, Oregon. I had not yet made very many friends and I was trying hard to do so, this occasion wasn’t much help.
It was a warm and sunny Saturday afternoon and I was at a local park, a few miles away from my brand new home. We were playing the Expos and leading the whole game. I was playing very well (I was quite the child athlete, which quickly wore off through my high school years), at the start of the fourth inning and my team was up to bat. After two outs I was on deck. Suddenly I felt a tingle through my whole body, but I just ignored it because I was next up to bat. I just had to relax and focus. I was anxious to go hit but the kid in front of me got out causing us to go out in the field. Before I grabbed my glove, I went over to my coach and asked if I could go to the bathroom but he smugly told me, I needed to hold it and go out into the field. Now, I wanted to kick him in the balls but my mom told me to respect all adults, so I grabbed my Ken Griffey Jr. replica glove and headed out to first base.
As soon as I reached first base my pea sized bladder was filled with urine. Before you can even begin to understand the hell I am going through, you should know that the difference between tee-ball and regular baseball is that the ball is always hit into play because if you strike out on pitches they bring out the tee to hit from. Because of this, each inning is like a half of an hour because second graders can’t catch a baseball let alone throw one.
I was manning my base and patiently waiting for rain, a forfeit, or a sudden death of one of the players so I could run off the field and treat myself to a relaxing urinary release into the fine port-a-potties that were generously provided for us. I tried to get my mind off the pee by thinking about the game but the longer it took for us to get someone out, the nearer I was to turning into a human water balloon.
Then, I thought to myself, what if I just let out a little bit of pee so that I wouldn’t have to go as bad? So I put my plan into action and released a sparse amount of the warm yellow liquid. Because I was wearing a cup the pee was caught in it and no one could see. I was home free. I soon realized that it is very difficult to stop peeing after your body has had the euphoric relaxation of this calming act of urination.
My mind went into a full panic mode and I started thinking of how I can get out of this without being the laughing stock of the entire second grade. I thought of the most foolproof plan to save my life and make myself not look like an idiot. With my plan ready for action I started releasing the rest of my pee. As the urine flowed down my leg and penetrated my extra small athletic supporter and my gray polyester pant fortress, I put my genius plan into action.
I let my tears flow like a garden hose, I cried like I was on the verge of death because if I cried then people wouldn’t laugh they would just feel sorry for me. With my glove in hand and first base island and a sea of pee beneath me I walked of the field and went into the big green port-a-potty and finished my business and my mom took me home to get me cleaned up.
The moral of my story is: don’t listen to adults when it comes to a seven year old’s bladder. I have had so many embarrassing moments in my life but I would re-live them all in one day if I could have this moment in time erased forever. I don’t know what the score was or whether we won or not, but I do know that when you have to pee it is better to use a bathroom than your pants.

I finally figured it out. I am back in business. It took me like two months to figure out how to sign into my blog and now I am back. I don't have anything funny that I can think of telling you all about, but I will update you on my situation. I have been going to Westside Church and while the sermons aren't the greatest, I really like what they are about and I really like the people. I have met a lot of new people and mom was happy to find out that many of them are girls. The COBO team that I coach won league last weekend and we have playoffs in two weeks. I have now officially never got less then first in any COBO league thing (2-time regular season champions and soon to be 2-time playoff league champions). I will start coaching a COBO all-star team in March with coach Reid. We are supposed to go to Reno, California, and other places in and out of state. This team is really fun because they are so good and they work hard and do really well together. I am helping with a children's ministry at church where we take kids from poorer neighborhoods in Bend and bring them to church and hang out with them, feed them dinner, and have a message, then we take them home. It is pretty cool. Chris and I may be getting the sweetest new roommate ever, his name is Joey and he one of the youth pastors at Westside. He is hilarious and he used to be fat and then he lost like 80 lbs and now he is skinny as a rail. He is the man. I think that is it for now. I will try to remember a funny story that I had, but I forgot it. I also need to post this paper I wrote my senior year in high school that was a CIM paper that I got a rediculously high grade on. It was about when I was in second grade and peed my pants in a baseball game, my teacher said it was one of the best narratives she has ever read and she has been teaching a while. Get pumped.

I know it has been a while since I have posted anything, but you are going to have to wait a little bit longer. I am going through a huge trial with Laura right now and we are currently not communicating in any way because she wants to get her walk on the right path and really figure out if I am the one for her. I am very proud of her for making this adult decision and being so mature about it, I just don't know why I can't be a part of helping her in her walk, but I am still impressed with her maturity. When I have been reading my Bible since she broke up with me, God has been showing me (for example) "if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15. I have been shown verses that tell me that if I am putting God first than he will give me what I ask of him and if you haven't guessed, I have been asking for Laura. I know that Laura is the woman for me and God has been showing me that over the past couple of months. I have been praying that God will get her back on the right path and that he will show her clearly the decision she should make. I would really appreciate it if you would pray for us because we both desperately need it. I will let you all know what happens when she talks to me again and I will let you know what she decides. Thank you.

Jeff, Jason, Matt, and I went golfing on Tuesday at River's Edge Golf Course. It was freezing cold, I don't think it ever got too high over 40 all day. We were all wearing sweatshirts, jackets, hats, gloves, etc. to stay warm and we were all still really cold. We got a deal that we could play all we wanted with carts for $39 (not a great deal, but a deal). We got to the third hole and Jeff's ball was up on a hill and we drove up to go find it, he hit his shot and we drove down. We built up a lot of speed and Jeff slammed on the brakes and we slid like twenty feet and were spinning out of control because the ground was frozen. It was pretty sweet and we continued to "Tokyo Drift" our golf carts on every hole and the carts are so bottom heavy that it was almost impossible to turn them over. It was sweet. We were the only ones on the course and only a crazy person would marshall on a day like that, so no one ever saw us. We golfed for like 6 hours and at least one of those hours was spent drifting all over the golf course. Needless to say, Jeff and I are thinking of moving to Japan and becoming illegal street racers, learning the art of drifting, and bringing it back to Bend and making "The Fast and the Furious 4: Golf Cart Drift."

I wrote a month or two ago that the "Tracy Morgan Show" was the best T.V. show of all time. Good news, I found an episode! If you go to youtube.com and type in "Tracy Morgan Show" you will see both parts of the episode and I suggest you watch it. It is the best family show of all time.

Epic, legendary, Rickdiculous. Some words that would describe my Friday night with Jeff. Jeff and I went to Parkway Bingo at the Fox Hollow Retirement Center and played bingo on Friday night. Let me paint the picture for you, you pull up to a dirt parking lot and the building has no windows and the door is a foot thick piece of wood. You walk in and see some of the oldest people you will ever see in your life. Jeff and I were the youngest people in the room by at least 20 years to the next youngest people, it is mostly people who are over 50 and there are some people who look like they could be 100. We went to the front counter and bought $10 worth of bingo cards and sat in the "blue room", which is a non-smoking room that fits like 25 people. The main room had at least 200 people in it and that was the smoking area. We started playing the first game which was a "line plus two corners" game which means you have to get five in a row and two corner spots to win. I had three spots left to fill and I got all three in a row and won, the payout was $150. Not only that, but because I was the first male to win I got to be king for the night. The king gets to wear a crown and I got to pick a number (11) and every time the number was drawn and I honked this horn that I got, I got a dollar. Some old lady came up and took my I.D. and left the room and came back 15 minutes later and gave me $150 in cash, Jeff and I laughed hysterically and said stuff like "we're gettin' paid" and "gotsta get that paper." We continued to play and kept getting dollar bills so we kept buying more cards to play on. Then a game came up where we had to get an "X", which is exactly what it sounds like. I got down to the point where I only needed one more spot and Jeff and I started laughing again and talking about how mad the old people would get if we won again. Then the caller called out my number and the payout was $200, but I had to split it with some other lady that won on the same ball. Then we bought cards for the "latenight" game which is a blackout and the payout is $1000. Jeff and I kept talking about how funny it would be if we won $1000, but we didn't really think it would happen. Jeff got down to the point where he only had one number left and we were freaking out and on the very next pull some old, old lady yells out "bingo" and kills our dreams. Jeff and I left $261 richer than when we came (we agreed before that if either of us won then we would split it). If that isn't legendary than I don't know what is.