Jerm Warfare is Spreading

2011-02-06T23:36:00.000-08:00

YODIO!!!

http://yodio.com/yo.aspx?CardId=Ihni0Yc9Bk5sPbOB47zZDL

2008-10-24T12:37:00.000-07:00

"Shut up white boy!"

This was what I heard out of a "white boy" while I was reffing intramural flag football earlier this week. This statement bothered me. I don't care that white people are dressing like they are "black" or even that they use ebonics and say stuff like "for shizzle" (even though it is really stupid when they do), but it seems a little odd that someone would say that

I have noticed that white people have been saying racist things about their own race. When a white kid calls another white kid a "cracker" or "white boy", does he actually think he is black? Or does he sincerely hate his own race? I can't figure it out. I love rap music and black culture as much as the next guy, but I don't hate white people because of it.

Are there actually people that are so ignorant that not only are they racist, but they don't even realize that they are racist against themselves? I don't really know where I am going with this. It is just crazy to think that some people change and other people change so much that they stay the same. That doesn't really make sense, but whatever.

2008-10-24T11:59:00.000-07:00

I have just realized how crazy the world officially is. I am sitting in my Native American History class which I dread every Friday. It is a 3 hour class that is only on Friday because our teacher lives and teaches in Eugene. This week, he couldn't make it over so he is teaching us through a live feed on a t.v. and web cams. He can see and hear us and we can see and hear him. I strategically placed myself over by the door where his web cam can't see what I am doing. He is talking about who knows what. I have been checking my e-mail, fantasy teams, facebook, stocks, etc. I am getting credit for being here and participating while I have not done any of those. I am here, but not really. Why am I not paying attention? Other than this being horribly boring listening to this lecture, the notes are online. Why do I have to be here?

My professor: "Any other thoughts?"

Whole Class: Silence

Some fat guy 10 seconds later: "Well isn't corn the biggest crop among Native Americans?"

I am pretty sure that is racist.

I am one of nine people on their computers right now and I don't see anyone in Microsoft Word taking notes. I see two of them on facebook and another on her Limewire downloading Bob Marley.

Another thing that I don't understand is why I am taking a Native American History class when I am going to teach math. I know you need history to learn from other people's mistakes, but I think that I already know not to trust people I don't know (especially rich white people).

I can't believe that some day kids in my classes are going to think these same things about my class. It is kind of disappointing.

2008-10-15T00:15:00.000-07:00

It has been just over 11 months since I have written anything and I figured that if I don't read my brother and sister's blogs, I might as well make them read mine. Actually Sean Dart made me start writing again. I couldn't let a guy that I coached show me up in any way, even though he already passed me up as a basketball player a while ago. Not a lot has changed from when I last posted, other then my new found love for 90210. There were so many things I was mad about over the last 11 months: The new Indiana Jones movie (thanks for covering that South Park) and the guy from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" on the MTV VMA's (It makes you rethink voting for Barack if a person like that would do it) just to name a few. I also have a lot to be thankful for: A girlfriend that likes sports (and beer) and it is football and almost basketball season. I will try to write somewhat consistantly and think of some funny stories to tell, so my sister stays happy. Sorry it took so long.

2007-11-12T11:07:00.000-08:00

As you all know, I have started coaching the freshman basketball team at MountainView. The last two years I was coaching middle school COBO for Mountain View. On the Sunday before my first practice, Coach Reid asked me to come to COBO tryouts and pick the 6th grade team because the 6th grade coach was out of town and couldn't do it. So I went in on Sunday afternoon and ran tryouts and I could clearly tell which 12 guys should be on the team. I went over it with the 8th grade coach and he agreed that it was right. I went and told Reid that I had it down to 12 and I asked him if he wanted me to read off the list to the kids or if he wanted to do it. He told me that I could do it, but he told me to make 100% sure that I had my list perfect so I didn't read off any wrong and give someone the impression that they made it when they didn't. So I checked my list like ten times to make sure it was right and then went up in front of the kids to read off the names. Right before I did, Reid came up and said that he wanted to point out one kid that made the team (side story: I have been working with this kid Alex Burton during the summer and fall and he got cut from last years team and wanted to make it this year. He improved a ton and is one of the top 5 or 6 guys on the team this year.). He talked about how Alex got cut last year and wasn't even close to making it and how he put in a lot of work and got way better. He then announces the name Alex Burton and points to this kid Dominic. Now, this wouldn't have been a problem if Dominic made the team, but he was the complete opposite. He made the team last year and we cut him this year. Coach Reid realized it was the wrong kid and pointed to Alex, but Dominic still thought he made the team. He had me come up and read off the names of the kids who made it and Dominic started balling. He ran over to his mom and she chewed out Coach Reid. It was hilarious! In a "wow I feel bad for this kid, but Reid did exactly what he told me not to do" kind of way. That is my first of many basketball stories yet to come.

2007-09-18T10:43:00.000-07:00

Mom, I haven't posted here in a while because my life was boring and now it is less boring. Elizabeth got mad and me and freaked out, so I had to write something to keep her happy. I started school yesterday and I am taking 3 math classes and an evolution class. I know what you are thinking about the 3 math classes and it is going to be sweet. I have like 5 people in all of my classes and I just sit around and listen to them act like they are really smart and get shut down by the professor. I just sit and laugh. I wrote about evolution before and that will be interesting for me to be in that class with a bunch of people who think that we came from black holes. I don't think the class will be about black holes, so that is why I am in it. I will be able to listen to how things evolve because it is obviously fact, but I will have a few days where I want to shoot myself in that class. I started my new job today at the gym at COCC. I worked a 3 hour shift and worked for literally 15 minutes. I sit around at a desk while people come and get towels from me and ask me random questions that I pretend to know the answer to. I get paid $9.20 an hour to do nothing, it is my dream job. I wish I didn't need to be in school to have this job becuase I would drop out of school and turn it into my career. I haven't heard anything about the freshman coaching job as far as applying and interviewing, but I have had some random people that would only know from talking to Reid that have said that they heard that I was doing it, so I feel better about that. I know that wasn't entertaining like it is supposed to be, but I thought you guys might like to know.

2007-09-10T23:59:00.000-07:00

I was flying home from California today (on an airplane, I don't know what else I would be on, but I don't want to lose anyone) after visiting my girlfriend Sean who many people who read this do not know and we can talk about it later if you are interested. I went into the lavatory while we were in flight. I go in and turn around to lock the door and notice that there is a sign on the door that says "Any tampering of smoke detector will result in a $2200 fine" or something along those lines. Then I look down a little bit further and it says "There is no smoking on this plane" and little pictures of cigarettes with a slash through them. Then I look down a little bit further and there it was, right before my eyes...a slot for your cigarette butts. Perfect! Why are the airlines telling these addicts not to smoke, but providing them with everything they need to do it (ventilation system through the toilet and an ash tray). It is like giving a crack addict a pipe and telling him not to smoke, when chances are he has crack on him. I am not mad or anything because I don't really care, but is there honestly a reason for that? I am home safe now and after the cigarette in the lavatory I am way more relaxed, but I just thought that everyone should be aware of the culture we live in.

2007-07-10T16:04:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, Pat and I were driving to Larkspur (this park on Reed Market that we play basketball at sometimes). I was driving on 27th (45 mph) and I got to that light behind Safeway and was at the crosswalk before I realized that the light was red. Not only that, but there was a car in the intersection. I don't know why I wasn't paying attention to the road because I wasn't messing around with the radio or on my phone, I just spaced out I guess. Anyway, as soon as I realized the light was red I slammed on the brakes and cranked the wheel to the right. I started sliding sideways right at the other car and I was about 5 feet away from it when I took my foot off the brake and swerved out of the way. I ran straight up onto a curb and missed a light pole by about 5 feet. As soon as I realized what had happened Pat said, "hey, there is a cop behind you." I figured that my life was over and that the cop would cite me for 10 different things and I would be in debt for years. I pulled into the Safeway parking lot and the cop pulled in behind me. He asked me for my license and registration and talked to me for a second and then went to his car. He comes back with a citation for running a red light for $250! That is it! Talk about being blessed, I almost killed myself and two other people, totaled my car and someone elses, and got cited for thousands of dollars in fines. I came away with a ticket for $250 that the cop said I should be able to get diversion school for. Can you believe that? It was insane. I still can't believe it.

2007-06-24T19:43:00.000-07:00

As some of you know, I went to Ashland/Medford this weekend for a 3-on-3 basketball tournament with my roommate Chris' friends Tim and Eddie. We had two games on Saturday and after the two games we were pretty hungry, so we went to Senor Sams (that is supposed to be in spanish). Eddie said that I should eat the "Biggest Burrito" that they serve there because if you eat it all, they give you five dollars back if you eat the whole thing by yourself. It sounded like a challenge that I was up to, so we both ordered it. Then Tim said that if I ate a large Cold Stone Creamery ice cream along with the burrito, that he would give me another $5. I rarely back down from a challenge, so I was aiming high. When I ordered my burrito, the lady started putting it together and it was two large tortillas next to each other with meat, cheese, lettuce, beans, salsa, sour cream and rice packed in so that she couldn't even shut the burrito. She put it on a huge platter that was about a foot and a half and the burrito went from end to end of it and it was probably 10 inches around. She said that it was the size of two and a half normal burritos from there and they are pretty big. Eddie finished his in about 15 minutes, it was incredible, the thing just disappeared. Right after he finished, he headed into the bathroom because he thought that he was going to throw up. I was trying to get it down as fast as possible so that I could finish it before my mind realized that I was full. Apparently I have poor eating skills because I had trouble getting the food from my plate to my fork to my mouth. It took me about 25 minutes and to my surprise, I wasn't full. I ate like a 6 lb burrito and I felt fine, so I said "let's go to Cold Stone." We went over there and I at a large peanut butter ice cream with peanut butter cups in it and finished it with no problem. After I was done, still probably could have eaten another regular burrito. I was in a zone. That experience made me rethink my life and I realized that my real calling in life is to be a professional eater. I ate that much food without any training (and I haven't been eating a lot lately anyway) and I didn't feel sick, that is a gift. I am quitting school and work so that I can work on my speed and technique. I would appreciate support from all of you in my endeavor.

2007-04-21T10:36:00.000-07:00

I know that all of you guys know about the Cougar Pageant. Jake won it his senior year and I am sure that I lost to Simon by the smallest of margins when I was in it (I mean come on, I did "Thriller"). I went to it this Thursday with Jeff and Pat. I sat next to Lori, Ashley, and Alyssa Crawford (Shawn was at basketball). They are all doing well, but that is not the good part. They started out with some slide shows of contestants and Colman had me in his slide show, so he should have won right there, but no. Emily McMahon's little brother Pat was in it and he was next up in the talent segment and the MC said that he heard that Powerline was going to be here. I almost pissed myself because I knew it was going to be sick. They opened up the curtains and Pat has his back to the crowd and is wearing a yellow jump suit. Then "I 2 I" comes on and he turns around and is wearing these sick red sunglasses and proceeds to dance amazingly to the song while lipsyncing(?) to it. His moves were incredible, but then I heard the music change and I was wondering what could possibly be better than what he was dancing to. It was "Everybody" by the Backstreet Boys and two girls came out and danced with him in sync perfectly to the dance sequence in the actual music video, only they switched it a little and it was better. I almost crapped myself. Then the music changed again and it was "It's Gonna Be Me" by NSYNC! Then they do the dance from that video perfectly! It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen, I wish I had it on video so that I could watch it on my computer every day. I am going to try to put the actual music videos on this, but if it doesn't work you should find them on you tube. The dance from "Everybody" is at about 3:45 and "It's Gonna Be Me" is at like :45. I wish that you all could have been there, if you don't believe me than ask Mom.
"Everybody"-http://youtube.com/watch?v=vM0ALaY7X-Q
"It's Gonna Be Me"-http://youtube.com/watch?v=v7yxpTvvB9U

2007-04-01T12:48:00.000-07:00

The night these pictures were taken; Joey (safety vest), Greg (pink shorts, yes they are the same ones), and I (too sexy) went out on the town. We went to clubs and stood out in front of them and hit on young and middle aged women. We would ask them: "have you ever kissed a man with a mustache before?" or "is it hot in here or just our mustaches?" and things of that nature. As you can imagine, there were many women flocking to be with me. Yes, I was offered by a woman to go home with her (don't ask me what she was smoking). In downtown Bend there is a restaurant called "Mirenda," it is one of the more popular and upscale places to eat in Bend. We were walking by and we saw that there was a huge window facing the street in this place and when we walked by people were staring at us. Joey and I decided to make the best of it and take turns walking back and forth in front of the window trying to top eachother's sexiness. We started with some simple things like dropping our keys and bending over to pick them up and making eye contact with women while passing by and mouthing "I love you" to them. It got to the point where people came out of the restaurant just to watch us out sexy eachother. We had a crowd of about 5 couples outside watching us when I pulled off the unthinkable. I walked normally in front of the window and when I got halfway across I turned to the window and ripped my shirt open, lowered my sunglasses and blew a kiss to some middle aged woman. How I kept a staight face, I have no idea. At that time we knew we should be leaving and so we walked away laughing hysterically. That was the end of my mustache experience and I must say that it was a good one. I will always remember those two days that I had a mustache, but who knows if it will ever happen again.

2007-03-01T10:49:00.000-08:00

Here are our photo shoot pictures from when we shaved. The guy with the chops is my friend Greg (who started the mustache revolution). I look like Dog the Bounty Hunter. I will post more pictures soon. Enjoy.

2007-02-21T19:12:00.000-08:00

When I was a senior in high school I wrote this paper so that I could finish my CIM in writing. My teacher told me to write a narrative about anything I wanted and this is that paper.

There are times in your life when you feel like dirt, or the low man on the totem pole, or you would rather be dead. Although my life has been jam packed with moments like this, the “cheese” stands alone. I was in the second grade and I had just started playing tee-ball. I was playing for the White Sox and it was my first year living in Bend, Oregon. I had not yet made very many friends and I was trying hard to do so, this occasion wasn’t much help.
It was a warm and sunny Saturday afternoon and I was at a local park, a few miles away from my brand new home. We were playing the Expos and leading the whole game. I was playing very well (I was quite the child athlete, which quickly wore off through my high school years), at the start of the fourth inning and my team was up to bat. After two outs I was on deck. Suddenly I felt a tingle through my whole body, but I just ignored it because I was next up to bat. I just had to relax and focus. I was anxious to go hit but the kid in front of me got out causing us to go out in the field. Before I grabbed my glove, I went over to my coach and asked if I could go to the bathroom but he smugly told me, I needed to hold it and go out into the field. Now, I wanted to kick him in the balls but my mom told me to respect all adults, so I grabbed my Ken Griffey Jr. replica glove and headed out to first base.
As soon as I reached first base my pea sized bladder was filled with urine. Before you can even begin to understand the hell I am going through, you should know that the difference between tee-ball and regular baseball is that the ball is always hit into play because if you strike out on pitches they bring out the tee to hit from. Because of this, each inning is like a half of an hour because second graders can’t catch a baseball let alone throw one.
I was manning my base and patiently waiting for rain, a forfeit, or a sudden death of one of the players so I could run off the field and treat myself to a relaxing urinary release into the fine port-a-potties that were generously provided for us. I tried to get my mind off the pee by thinking about the game but the longer it took for us to get someone out, the nearer I was to turning into a human water balloon.
Then, I thought to myself, what if I just let out a little bit of pee so that I wouldn’t have to go as bad? So I put my plan into action and released a sparse amount of the warm yellow liquid. Because I was wearing a cup the pee was caught in it and no one could see. I was home free. I soon realized that it is very difficult to stop peeing after your body has had the euphoric relaxation of this calming act of urination.
My mind went into a full panic mode and I started thinking of how I can get out of this without being the laughing stock of the entire second grade. I thought of the most foolproof plan to save my life and make myself not look like an idiot. With my plan ready for action I started releasing the rest of my pee. As the urine flowed down my leg and penetrated my extra small athletic supporter and my gray polyester pant fortress, I put my genius plan into action.
I let my tears flow like a garden hose, I cried like I was on the verge of death because if I cried then people wouldn’t laugh they would just feel sorry for me. With my glove in hand and first base island and a sea of pee beneath me I walked of the field and went into the big green port-a-potty and finished my business and my mom took me home to get me cleaned up.
The moral of my story is: don’t listen to adults when it comes to a seven year old’s bladder. I have had so many embarrassing moments in my life but I would re-live them all in one day if I could have this moment in time erased forever. I don’t know what the score was or whether we won or not, but I do know that when you have to pee it is better to use a bathroom than your pants.

2007-02-15T10:31:00.000-08:00

I finally figured it out. I am back in business. It took me like two months to figure out how to sign into my blog and now I am back. I don't have anything funny that I can think of telling you all about, but I will update you on my situation. I have been going to Westside Church and while the sermons aren't the greatest, I really like what they are about and I really like the people. I have met a lot of new people and mom was happy to find out that many of them are girls. The COBO team that I coach won league last weekend and we have playoffs in two weeks. I have now officially never got less then first in any COBO league thing (2-time regular season champions and soon to be 2-time playoff league champions). I will start coaching a COBO all-star team in March with coach Reid. We are supposed to go to Reno, California, and other places in and out of state. This team is really fun because they are so good and they work hard and do really well together. I am helping with a children's ministry at church where we take kids from poorer neighborhoods in Bend and bring them to church and hang out with them, feed them dinner, and have a message, then we take them home. It is pretty cool. Chris and I may be getting the sweetest new roommate ever, his name is Joey and he one of the youth pastors at Westside. He is hilarious and he used to be fat and then he lost like 80 lbs and now he is skinny as a rail. He is the man. I think that is it for now. I will try to remember a funny story that I had, but I forgot it. I also need to post this paper I wrote my senior year in high school that was a CIM paper that I got a rediculously high grade on. It was about when I was in second grade and peed my pants in a baseball game, my teacher said it was one of the best narratives she has ever read and she has been teaching a while. Get pumped.

2007-01-05T11:55:00.000-08:00

I know it has been a while since I have posted anything, but you are going to have to wait a little bit longer. I am going through a huge trial with Laura right now and we are currently not communicating in any way because she wants to get her walk on the right path and really figure out if I am the one for her. I am very proud of her for making this adult decision and being so mature about it, I just don't know why I can't be a part of helping her in her walk, but I am still impressed with her maturity. When I have been reading my Bible since she broke up with me, God has been showing me (for example) "if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15. I have been shown verses that tell me that if I am putting God first than he will give me what I ask of him and if you haven't guessed, I have been asking for Laura. I know that Laura is the woman for me and God has been showing me that over the past couple of months. I have been praying that God will get her back on the right path and that he will show her clearly the decision she should make. I would really appreciate it if you would pray for us because we both desperately need it. I will let you all know what happens when she talks to me again and I will let you know what she decides. Thank you.

2006-12-13T15:37:00.000-08:00

Jeff, Jason, Matt, and I went golfing on Tuesday at River's Edge Golf Course. It was freezing cold, I don't think it ever got too high over 40 all day. We were all wearing sweatshirts, jackets, hats, gloves, etc. to stay warm and we were all still really cold. We got a deal that we could play all we wanted with carts for $39 (not a great deal, but a deal). We got to the third hole and Jeff's ball was up on a hill and we drove up to go find it, he hit his shot and we drove down. We built up a lot of speed and Jeff slammed on the brakes and we slid like twenty feet and were spinning out of control because the ground was frozen. It was pretty sweet and we continued to "Tokyo Drift" our golf carts on every hole and the carts are so bottom heavy that it was almost impossible to turn them over. It was sweet. We were the only ones on the course and only a crazy person would marshall on a day like that, so no one ever saw us. We golfed for like 6 hours and at least one of those hours was spent drifting all over the golf course. Needless to say, Jeff and I are thinking of moving to Japan and becoming illegal street racers, learning the art of drifting, and bringing it back to Bend and making "The Fast and the Furious 4: Golf Cart Drift."

2006-12-09T15:45:00.000-08:00

I wrote a month or two ago that the "Tracy Morgan Show" was the best T.V. show of all time. Good news, I found an episode! If you go to youtube.com and type in "Tracy Morgan Show" you will see both parts of the episode and I suggest you watch it. It is the best family show of all time.

2006-12-01T23:10:00.000-08:00

Epic, legendary, Rickdiculous. Some words that would describe my Friday night with Jeff. Jeff and I went to Parkway Bingo at the Fox Hollow Retirement Center and played bingo on Friday night. Let me paint the picture for you, you pull up to a dirt parking lot and the building has no windows and the door is a foot thick piece of wood. You walk in and see some of the oldest people you will ever see in your life. Jeff and I were the youngest people in the room by at least 20 years to the next youngest people, it is mostly people who are over 50 and there are some people who look like they could be 100. We went to the front counter and bought $10 worth of bingo cards and sat in the "blue room", which is a non-smoking room that fits like 25 people. The main room had at least 200 people in it and that was the smoking area. We started playing the first game which was a "line plus two corners" game which means you have to get five in a row and two corner spots to win. I had three spots left to fill and I got all three in a row and won, the payout was $150. Not only that, but because I was the first male to win I got to be king for the night. The king gets to wear a crown and I got to pick a number (11) and every time the number was drawn and I honked this horn that I got, I got a dollar. Some old lady came up and took my I.D. and left the room and came back 15 minutes later and gave me $150 in cash, Jeff and I laughed hysterically and said stuff like "we're gettin' paid" and "gotsta get that paper." We continued to play and kept getting dollar bills so we kept buying more cards to play on. Then a game came up where we had to get an "X", which is exactly what it sounds like. I got down to the point where I only needed one more spot and Jeff and I started laughing again and talking about how mad the old people would get if we won again. Then the caller called out my number and the payout was $200, but I had to split it with some other lady that won on the same ball. Then we bought cards for the "latenight" game which is a blackout and the payout is $1000. Jeff and I kept talking about how funny it would be if we won $1000, but we didn't really think it would happen. Jeff got down to the point where he only had one number left and we were freaking out and on the very next pull some old, old lady yells out "bingo" and kills our dreams. Jeff and I left $261 richer than when we came (we agreed before that if either of us won then we would split it). If that isn't legendary than I don't know what is.

2006-11-08T09:30:00.000-08:00

VH1 made a movie that premiered last weekend called "Totally Awesome." It is a spoof on a bunch of different 80's movies (Dirty Dancing, Teen Wolf, etc.) and Jason, Jeff, and I watched it on Saturday night. I am not trying to get you to watch this movie because it wasn't that great, but it does further prove that Tracy Morgan is the funniest man alive. He played this guy named Darnell that was trying to show the main character how to be black becuase he wasn't cool. He has a jheri curl, thick glasses, and he always wears sweat pants with high tops. There are many hysterical quotes by him and his break dancing is redonkulous. I would suggest for anyone with tivo to tape the whole movie and fast forward until you get to the parts with Tracy Morgan in it and watch those, it will only take up about 15 minutes of your life and it will be well worth it. If you watch the whole movie and hate it, don't be mad at me. If you are in my fantasy basketball league (Dad), then my post to Jeff about him being "the only person in the league to have broken a Puerto Rican's arm for sweat pants money" and the thing about the claw will all make sense.

2006-11-03T13:31:00.000-08:00

I was in my education class on Tuesday and my teacher brought up the conversation of should evolution be taught in schools? I of course said no and then he asked me why. I told him that evolution is a theory and the definition of a theory is that it is something that cannot be 100% proven and I said that religion can't be proven (until it's almost too late) and if evolution is taught then religion should be taught. I also said that a kid can go through his high school life without learning about evolution because it isn't really that vital to know about when you are in high school and you can just wait until college and pay to learn about evolution.
If you have heard the Lewis Black bit about how aneurysm happen, this will make sense (if you haven't, an aneurysm is caused by someone saying something so retarded that it sticks in your brain for weeks and you can't figure out why someone would say it and then your head explodes). This kid in my education class said "we can pretty much deduce that there are black holes and Christians are just pissed that they have been proven wrong and they want to get back at everyone." Needless to say, I only have a few days left to live. I wanted to punch that kid in the face because if there is anything that is harder to believe in than God, then it is that there are black holes that just magically spit stuff out and it evolved into people. I hope you don't have an aneurysm too and if so, sorry. I only have one more thing to say about evolution: evolutionists believe in survival of the fittest (makes sense), but because humans evolved from monkeys wouldn't all of the monkeys be extinct? Humans would be the fittest and monkeys would all be dead. And those morons actually believe in that crap. So, what we have learned today is that if you believe that we came out of black holes, your retarded (remember: "you don't call retarded, you call your friends retarded when they are acting like retards").

2006-10-23T22:09:00.000-07:00

In case you didn't know my sister was the coolest person in the world, she told me she found a birthday card for me (my birthday is November 25, don't forget it) and she couldn't wait to give it to me. Her excitement was so intense that she sent it to me over a month early. I got it in the mail on Sunday and it was incredible. On the outside of the card it had a button (or a pin, you know like something you would pin on your shirt or something) and it said "P is for Playa." If that isn't a sweet enough card, you open it up and it says "Play on Playa." I thought it was hilarious and I showed my friends Jeff and Jason and we laughed about it again. Needless to say, the button is on my backpack so everyone at COCC knows what P is for.

2006-10-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

I was researching a thing for my computers class and i found out that it is i-pod is having its fifth birthday tommorrow. it said that apple's stock has gone from $8 a share five years ago to $80 a share today. i just want to update you guys on the sweet new music i have on my i-pod, maybe you guys will enjoy it.

Morris Brown and Idlewild Blues by Outkast-one song by each guy, very different, but really good.
Carribean Queen by Billy Ocean-you would know why if you saw everybody hates chris last week.
The Gambler by Kenny Rogers-a classic country song about a drunk and dying gambler who is passing on his life lessons to some random kid on a train.
I Call it Love by Lionel Richie-it is a brand new song by mr. jheri curl himself and it is actually pretty good.
Smokie Norful and Fred Hammond-both gospel singers that i like and they came out with new cd's last week and i stole the music online and they are really good.
Dane Cook's Vicious Circle-it is the new Dane Cook dvd and it is really funny (dad would like it)
Barely Breathing by Duncan Sheik-a classic 90's love song that never grows old.
Eastbound and Down by Jerry Reed-earl's theme song on my name is earl.
Whenever I Call You Friend by Kenny Loggins and Stevie Nix-it is Kenny Loggins, what more do i need to say.

Just thought you guys might want to know what i am listening to even if some of it is lionel richie. sorry if i offended my sister by my music choice.

2006-10-14T11:04:00.000-07:00

I was watching 30 Rock on Wednesday night and it was really funny. As most of you know, i think that Tracy Morgan is the funniest man alive and I realized that even though this show is really funny, it will never compare to the funniest show ever made: The Tracy Morgan Show. If you never saw it, it was about Tracy Mitchell character who owned an auto shop with Heavy-D and the dad from Friday (John Witherspoon?). He had a wife and two kids, one kid was dorky and the other kid was the funniest kid in the history of the world (Bobb'e J. Thompson). There were 16 episodes, but only like six episodes were aired. Those six episodes were enough to convince me that no show has or will ever be funnier than it. If you ever find the DVD of it, buy it and let me know; if you ever see a petition to bring it back or to get it on DVD, sign it. I have been looking for about an hour for video from it, but I can find anything. I will some if I can find any.

2006-10-04T22:50:00.000-07:00

While I was really excited for the season premiere of Lost, I also was looking forward to the season premiere of South Park (the funniest show in T.V. history). Lost was amazing, it revealed a lot and opened up a lot of new questions and people will be talking about it all day tommorrow. Even with how great it was, South Park blew it out of the water. It was about something that my computer's teacher has been talking about all term and how it is consuming people's lives. There are about 7 million people that have players on World of Warcraft on their computer and South Park took advantage of it. The episode was comedic genious, Jeff and I laughed the whole time. The premise is that there is a guy who has a character on WOW and he is way better than anyone else and he keeps killing everyone's characters. No one can stop this guy and everyone is pissed. So the boys go out in the woods and try to build up their skills so they can defeat this guy and it is the most hilarious episode I have ever seen (better than the Dog Whisperer and the Moorman episodes). There is my television critique for the day. If I hear that any of you didn't see it by the end of the week, I am coming to find you and forcing you to watch it. I am also seriously considering quitting everything and wasting my life on WOW and living my life in that fantasy world (that is a lie, I hate that crap).

2006-09-28T22:50:00.001-07:00

Snakes? No way. Dad said to put some story about snakes on my blog, but I hate snakes more than anything. Snakes are the scariest thing on the planet. I couldn't see "Snakes on a Plane" because I can't see a snake without peeing my pants. Why are snakes so scary? Many reasons. Satan was a snake when he tempted Adam and Eve, Satan brought sin to the earth, God hates sin, therefore God hates snakes. Secondly, snakes have no legs. Things without legs aren't supposed to move unless they are in water. I can't think of any other animal that has no legs and can move on land, that alone scares the crap out of me. Third, snakes eat stuff whole. If a snake ever gets near me, I will kill myself because i am not spending the whole day in a snakes stomach. There are much better things to do with your day then spend it in the stomach of a snake (like kill yourself). Lastly, snakes have venom. Snakes are so scary that they kill you, but you stay alive and get to think about dying for a couple of hours before you actually die. Is there anything scarier than snakes? No.

2006-09-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

I am watching Fox News with my roommates and they are saying that Osama Bin Laden is dead! It said that he is dead from a water-borne illness (typhoid) and France reported him dead (ha ha, France). They say that it isn't official, but France said it so it has to be true. I find it hard to believe that the guy who we have been trying to find for six years has just died all of a sudden. If it takes you six years to not find someone, how are you ever going to know that he is dead? Are his henchmen going to send a death certificate to the president? It doesn't matter if he dies or not because someone else will take over their diabolicle (hooked on phonics?) plots and plans. Does it matter if he is dead? No, but maybe North Korea will let us borrow some of their friendly nuclear weapons to scare off Bin Laden's men.

2006-09-22T15:25:00.000-07:00

My sister was driving in downtown Seattle on wednesday and saw a homeless person. She didn't see just any homeless person, she saw a clever homeless person. He sat on the corner with a sign that read, "Father killed by ninjas, need money for karate lessons." I defy anyone to find a funnier homeless person. He should be writing for SNL, not sitting on a street corner. He probably makes more tax free scratch than I will make when I become a baller math teacher. It's funny because it's true.

2006-09-20T16:07:00.000-07:00

After my math 256 class (applied differential equations) on monday morning, I went to the student bookstore to purchase the books that were required for my upcoming classes. I went to the back of the bookstore and picked up my math and biology classes and got in line to pay for them. When I got to the front of the line, the workstudy student working the front desk called me up. She took my books and said "will this be cash, credit, or debit?" I told her "debit" and I handed her my debit card. She then said "I am going to need to see some I.D." So I reached into my wallet and grabbed a driver's liscense and handed it to her. She looked at the debit card, then at the I.D., back at me, back at the liscense, back at the debit card, then handed the I.D. back to me and swiped my debit card. When she handed the card back to me, I realized that I did not hand her my I.D., but the fake I.D. I found at work one day. Normally someone would be happy that their fake I.D. was a success and go out and get wasted. I on the other hand was on the verge of peeing my pants because my I.D. is not of a teenage guy, it is of a 51 year old lady. 5' 4", 150 lb. Nancy Jones was the person on my fake I.D. and I only used it as a joke with my friends and I would say "hey, have you seen my fake I.D." and then hand it to them and they would just think I was a moron. The girl at the front desk not only didn't notice that I was 6' 3", 185 lb. 19 year old dude, it didn't bring up a red flag when she saw that the name on the I.D. didn't match the one on my debit card. Either this girl is so dumb that thinks that you only need to check an I.D. to see if they are from the right state, or she thought that I was mentally retarted and I go around town buying things with an expired I.D. that is so far over the edge rediculous that no one in their right mind would have to look at it for more than two seconds to know that it wasn't mine. I then left the store and proceeded to call my sister to share with her a story that could only happen once in a lifetime (a lifetime of an idiot kid who thought it would be a good idea to keep a fake I.D. in the same place as his actual I.D.). Dad, I hope you enjoyed that and it was worth the wait for you.

2006-09-20T15:51:00.000-07:00

Aaaahhhh... My first post, it feels good. I know my family has been anticipating this for days and now the wait is over. I started this because I have important stuff to say and everyone needs to hear it. Until I get my own T.V. show or radio show, I have to settle for this. Grammar and proper punctuation is for fat kids and I don't like it, so if you have something to say about the way I write, keep it to yourself. I know there is a lot of hype from my two fans (my dad and sister), but just be patient because I am just getting used to anyone paying attention to what I have to say. So sit back, relax, and listen to what I have to say.